The Things We've Never Said
by Evenstar1002
Summary: 'Say it.' - 'Say what' - 'All the things you wanted to say today but haven't.' My take on what should happen after 8.14 ended. Happy Valentine's day!


_A/N: It's Darvey Day (because for us Europeans is always Thursdays when the new episode airs) and it's Valentine's Day and since this day and the episode has been nothing but joy and happiness and inspiration, what better way to turn it into a little smut fest? This is my take and what should have happened after 8x14 ended (deliberately ignoring what we know about the remaining two episodes). There is a little plot. And a little smut. Because how could there not be? Have fun! And let me know what you think? Thank you! Xoxo N._

**xxx**

**All The Things We've Never Said**

**xxx**

The bar is buzzing with life and for a moment he has no idea what has gotten into him to come here in the first place. Thankfully, the owner of the establishment is one of his oldest clients and there is a special table in a secluded area reserved for VIPs only. And that is exactly where the pair is sitting now, a candle, a glass of wine and a tumbler of scotch standing between them on the wooden table.

"So." The blond woman across from him says, as she looks at him expectantly. She reaches for her glass, starting to sway the Chardonnay carefully, Harvey watching the swirling liquid until he can no longer ignore her gaze.

"So what?" Harvey replies, starting a weak attempt of pretending that he didn't know what Samantha was getting at.

"You wanna talk about it or are we just gonna sit here in silence all evening? I remember Donna telling me how much more fun you are supposed to be."

At the mentioning of the woman that has been plaguing his mind for the past twenty-eight minutes – no, scratch that; for the past thirteen years straight now - Harvey takes a deep breath, his eyes focusing on Samantha at last.

"Aah. Looks like I hit a nerve," Samantha continues and while it would have been in her nature to sound more smug, she tries to tone it down for Harvey's sake, who is clearly in no mood for teasing. He looks at her silently, the muscles in jaw contracting.

"Have you ever told her?" The words coming out of her mouth surprise him and yet, as everyone always keeps pointing out the obvious, on a second thought he isn't that surprised at all.

"Told her what?" Harvey asks nonetheless, feigning ignorance.

"Please, Harvey. A blind man can see what's going on between the two of you. The chemistry. The tension. _The unfinished business_," Samantha draws the last words out, winking at him encouragingly and with a gentle smile.

"You know, you're actually the second person pointing that out today," Harvey admits, Scottie's words still ringing through his mind.

"What do you mean?" Samantha wants to know, placing her glass on the table before entwining her fingers in front of her.

"I talked to Scottie shortly before you found me," Harvey explains with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders ever so slightly.

"Ah. And you don't think that when someone you've known for over half of your life and someone who is still rather new to the game both point out the exact same thing within a matter of hours, there might not be some truth to it?"

Harvey contemplates her words for a minute or two, taking a huge gulp of the Macallan before shifting his attention back to Samantha.

"So have you? Ever told her?" His colleague repeats her questions and before he can talk himself into all the reasons why it would be a bad idea to opening himself up like that and revealing his ultimate weakness, he decides that enough had been left unsaid on this very day already.

"Yeah. I told her once," Harvey says, nipping at the golden liquor once more. He swirls it around with his tongue, lets it warm his mouth before slowly swallowing it down.

"And?" Sam encourages him to continue, an eyebrow raised.

Harvey looks at her, bracing himself for the pain that is about to come. Unlike the memories of Scottie that have left all but a barely notable scar on his heart, memories of Donna were a wound that was never going to heal, only having been ripped open again mere hours before. "Well, as you can see, it didn't go so well, did it?"

"Didn't she feel the same?" Samantha probes, knowing that she was threading that very thin line of pushing him too far.

"She did. But it's always been difficult between the two of us," Harvey replies, leaning back and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"How has it been diffic -" Samantha doesn't get a chance to finish her sentence as Harvey cuts in, almost like he hadn't even heard that she had started talking again.

"We've always had our problems with communication and timing," Harvey says with his eyes fixed on a painting hanging on the wall behind the blond woman. "First, we both weren't ready. Then, when she was ready for more, I wasn't. And now that I am, apparently, she…" Harvey breaks off, the scene at the elevators playing on repeat in his head. He hates being blindsided, it's why he always has his offensive linemen in place. But when it comes to her, there are no safety measures known to men to protect him from the pain only she could inflict.

"She isn't?" Samantha tries, earning herself a slight nod and a quiet sigh. "But who says she isn't? Have you spoken to her lately?"

"I've been working up to it. I might have said something tonight, if that Kessler guy hadn't shown up." Harvey is way past holding anything back at this point, the alcohol not helping to keep his emotions in check either.

"So you're giving up now?"

"What am I supposed to do? I'm not gonna be _that_ guy."

"Have you ever considered the fact that she might just be settling? Because she thinks she can't have you?"

"Why would you even think that? I've barely told you the tip of the iceberg that is Donna and my relationship," Harvey wants to know and he has a hard time trying to tone down the hope that is rising in his chest upon hearing her words. No, he hadn't considered that. Because she had left no doubt only a short while back that she didn't feel anything for him. So why would Samantha think otherwise? Why would Scottie keep insisting on the things she had said to him earlier?

"Like I said. _The chemistry. The tension. The unfinished business_."

Harvey takes in her words, lets them sink into the deepest and darkest corners of his soul. Would Donna have lied to him like that? And even if she had, it doesn't mean that she still felt the same now. Her being with another man right in this very moment proving just that. And yet…

Not wanting to delve into it any deeper just then, with her, in this location, Harvey empties his glass, orders them both a second round before gracefully changing the subject to saver grounds. Samantha knows better than to push any further.

**xxx**

"And then Brandon said…," Thomas stops midsentence, studying the woman across from him, who is poking around in her salad, lost in thought. He looks at her for a minute or two, before he finishes his sentence at last: "… that his cat ate the cactus."

Donna's reply is a barely audible chuckle, the sound more born out of cordiality than of actual comprehension of his words.

Thomas crosses his knife and fork on his plate, sinking back against his chair with a sigh. "Okay, Donna. Do you want to tell me what's going on with you tonight?"

"What? Oh no… I'm sorry, Thomas," Donna apologizes, a soft smile playing around her lips. One that just doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"You've been distant all evening. What's going on? You know that you can always talk to me, right?" Donna looks at him gratefully, his warm eyes firmly fixed on her. And she does know that she could talk to him about anything and everything, his attentiveness and empathy one of the attributes that had drawn her to him in the first place. She waits for the butterflies that never come, her heart breaking just a tiny bit more that day. For him. And for her.

"I know," Donna replies. "I know." Her eyes lock on him and the second her internal decision is made, he knows what's coming. "Listen. I-"

"It's him, isn't it?" Thomas wants to know. There should be anger in voice, resentment or disappointment at least. But he's just as caring and supportive as he has always been. Only a slight sadness in his eyes tells Donna, that he is affected more than he lets on.

"Wh… what?" Donna chokes, a breath caught in her throat.

"Come on, Donna. I felt it the moment I walked in on you two today. The tension could have been cut with a knife," Thomas pauses for a second, realization dawning on him more and more with every second that passes. "And suddenly it all makes sense."

"What do you mean? What makes sense?" Donna asks, genuinely wanting to know what he was getting at exactly.

"Why all of this seemed to be too good to be true. And why something still always felt off. Or maybe it was because of that. You know? We had a perfect first date. And a perfect first night. And we fell right into this perfect thing. But we're not living in a fairytale. Things like that usually don't happen. At least not if you don't belong to the one percent of really really fortunate people out there."

"We could have been part of those one percent…" Donna tries weakly but she knows he is right. Perfect doesn't happen like that. And how do you even start to define the word 'perfect'? Seeing as Thomas, despite all of his perfections, is still very much imperfect to her because he isn't Harvey, who, despite all of his imperfections – or rather _because _of them – is the perfect man for her. Always had been and always will be. And somehow, today, a feeling that she hasn't allowed herself to feel for a very long time crept its way back with an unwavering force. Hope.

Donna smiles at him apologetically. He returns the gesture, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand reassuringly. "Alright. Let's finish dinner. And then I'll drop you off at his place so you can talk it out."

"No, Thomas. I can't ask that of you."

"You don't have to. I'm offering."

"But why would you do that?"

"Because I want to see you happy. You deserve to be happy. I'm not going to lie, I wish I could have been the one to do that for you and I do believe that we could have had something special, but if your heart already belongs to someone else, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm just glad that we got to this point this early on before any deeper feelings could develop."

Donna looks at him in awe and another fissure runs through her heart. He's definitely one of the good guys. One of the very few good guys remaining in a world of superficiality, interchangeability and commitment issues. He could have been good for her. Could have been the one to save her. But he wasn't _him_. No one ever would be.

And so they finish dinner and Thomas comes through with his offer without a second of hesitation.

**xxx**

Staring absentmindedly into the depths of his glass of scotch, it takes him a moment to register the soft knock on his door. His heart rate speeds up on its own accord as a feeling of realization and hope washes over him. He knows that it could only be one person at this time of the night and at the same time it seems impossible that it would actually be her, considering the fact that she was on a date. He wants nothing more than to just ignore the visitor and drown his sorrow with the liquid in his hands but the curiosity coursing through him has him out of his chair and by the entrance in less than ten seconds.

Harvey opens the door with a sigh, being greeted with the one sight he has hoped for and feared in equal measures. They stare at each other wordlessly, just like they had so many times before on this specific day. And just as wordlessly, Harvey steps aside, pushing the door wide open for her to step inside.

Donna walks down the hallway, the clicking of her heels on the parquet the only sound disturbing the silence of the night. She comes to a halt in the middle of the room, Harvey stopping only a couple of feet away from her.

"Say it," Donna demands without deviation, the time for greetings or courteous small talk apparently having become redundant somewhere down the line.

"Say what?" Harvey replies, trying to buy himself at least a few more seconds to collect his thoughts in the foggy haze that is his mind.

"Stop playing dumb, Harvey. All the things you wanted to say today but haven't. Just for once, please say them," Donna practically begs and Harvey knows he is not going to get out of this one. Not that he has any desire to do so anyway. Just like they are past greetings and small talk, they are also _way_ past words being said in ambiguity or falsehood and way past words being left unsaid entirely.

"Alright. You wanna at least sit down? Have a drink?"

Donna studies him silently for a moment, before turning around and closing the short distance to his sofa. Interpreting her lack of words to his offer for a drink as a 'no', he sits down right next to her, facing her openly, their knees almost touching but not quite.

Harvey reaches for his own glass, taking a sip but before he can place it back on the table, Donna grabs it from his hand and takes a gulp herself. He watches her, the gesture as innocent as it has always been in the past and only just now realizing how it has never been innocent at all. How it had always meant something. How it had always meant _more_.

"I don't know where to start, Donna… There are so many things between us that have been left unsaid over the years. I… I just don't know where to even start."

Donna watches him once more, can see the struggle behind his eyes. She knows what she wants to say. Remembers with absolutely clarity each and every moment where they should have said more than what has been said. But she also knows that he needs to say it first. Not because anyone was keeping score of anything but because this could only ever work if she could trust that he was able to communicate, share his feelings and emotions with her. That they are both finally on the same page. "Why have they remained unsaid?"

Harvey knows that she knows that he's struggling, that's why he is even more grateful that she is helping him along. That question, he could answer, without having to think about it very hard. Because he's spent hours and hours working through it, naming and voicing it out loud, with the help of Dr Lipschitz. "I can only speak for myself… but I was afraid. I was so _fucking_ afraid of losing you… only really realizing today that by not saying all those things, I might just lose you all the same."

Donna sighs, his words open and honest and she can indeed see that he is trying. She reaches for him, letting her hand come to rest on top of his thigh in a reassuring touch. Harvey has to suppress a shiver at the sudden contact, just as he always had to during the rare occasions that it had happened in the past. He looks down for a moment, taking in the feeling of warmth and comfort, before looking up at her again.

"I am never going to leave you, Harvey. Haven't I proven that time and time again during all of our years together?"

"Except for the one time that you have," Harvey throws in, the picture of her walking down that dark and empty hallway every once in a while still plaguing his worst nightmares.

"Except that I didn't leave you for real," Donna replies. She had never regretted what she had done back then but she had also never quite been able to shake the feeling of guilt for the downward spiral it had sent him into. A downward spiral that at the same time has set everything in motion. Has set him and her and them in motion in ways that both of them had only come to realize as time moved on.

"It sure as hell felt like it at the time," Harvey disagrees, louder than he had intended to be. But immediately afterwards, his voice returns to a calmer tone. "Anyway… it doesn't really matter… because what happened back then is nothing compared to what I've felt today… when I watched you leave."

"And still, I'm here once again," Donna replies, squeezing his thigh gently.

"Yeah. You are," Harvey replies, letting his own hand rest on hers now. "Why are you, though?" He adds cautiously.

"Because I can't shake the feeling that you wanted to say something, just when… when Thomas interrupted us. And I… I need you to say it."

Harvey hears her, feels the desperation vibrating through her voice and he wants nothing more than to give her what she wants. If only that one name hadn't come over her lips, scattering all of his perfectly arranged thoughts into a hundred different directions.

"Where is Thomas anyway?" Harvey wants to know instead, drawing back his and letting himself sink into the cushions of his couch. "Weren't you two on a date?"

Donna stares at him and the way he keeps avoiding her pleas feeling like a punch in the gut. Yet again. She withdraws her hand now as well, breaking the intimate contact. They always ended up like this. One baby step forward, three elephant steps back.

"Yes. We were. And it was pretty much over the second he realized what was going on. The night ended with him dropping me off here, before going home alone. Which obviously was a mistake," Donna sighs, getting up from the couch.

"What? Why?" Harvey asks, his voice almost desperate now. How had things gone so wrong yet again? She couldn't leave. Not before it was all said and done.

"Why? Because you won't say it! And I can't keep pushing you to admit things you clearly aren't ready for. I know they are there. Inside of you. But as long as you can't say it out loud, there's no use in… I…. I need to go."

"No, Donna, wait!" Harvey says, jumping up from his seating position to go after her. He grabs for her hand, gently wrapping his long fingers around her wrist, holding her back. "Alright. You want me to say it? I will. I will, okay?" Harvey takes another deep breath. This would be it. _Their moment_. He just prays that they would both make it to the other end unscarred. And then he begins. "That morning in the diner? I should have told you that I wanted to be with you. That your rule was bullshit. That that night had been special and that it had never felt like that with anyone before and – in hindsight – has never felt like that with anyone ever since. That other time in the diner? I should have told you that the reason why you and Steven bothered me did mean something. That I was hurt and jealous because you were so eager to throw your rule overboard with him but never with me. I shouldn't have left that night after I've told you I loved you and when you asked me 'how', I should have told you that I love you in all the ways imaginable. That I'm _in love_ with you. And have been for a very long time. And when you asked me for 'more' I should have told you that I wanted to give you _everything_. That night… after you kissed me, I should have told you, not yelled at you, that I did feel something. That I felt it all. And that I wanted to be with you because I still loved you just as much as I ever did. And more. When you asked me if things were back to 'normal', I should have told you that things would never be normal between us and that I never ever want them to be." Tears were welling up in Donna's eyes now and Harvey let his fingers slip into her hand then, entwining their fingers. His other hand reaches up to wipe away that single tear that had just escaped her left eye. "When I held you in my arms at the wedding, when we danced, I should have told you how you were the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen and how much I never wanted to let you go again. I…" Harvey stops again, thinking about his next words carefully. "I still don't know what I would have said tonight. Back at the firm, I mean. I should have said that I still love you. With my whole heart. I probably wouldn't have, seeing as we were standing in the middle of the entrance area… but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't have said it and that it wouldn't have been the truth. I might have asked you out on a date. A real one. And maybe then we would have talked. But now we're here and I…"

He couldn't say any more after that because Donna is touching him then, hand on his neck, before pulling him down into a searing kiss. Her lips are trembling from the tears she is holding back and the emotions taking possession of her body. Harvey pulls her against him without a second thought, his arms wrapping around her. He's moaning against her lips when she is pressed against him, not an ounce of air between them. Years and years of pent up longing and anger, passion and frustration, love and resentment, of told lies and truths, of shared glances and touches and moments all make the kiss turn from gentle and innocent to hot and perfervid in less than a heartbeat. Blindly they stumble in the direction of his bedroom, one of the last mysteries of their thirteen year long relationship, and by the time they reach his bed, Harvey has already lost his shoes, shirt and belt, while Donna is standing before him dressed only in her underwear. With shaking hands Donna gets busy with the button and zipper of his pants and only when she starts to pull the waistband over his hips, do they break the kiss. It's hard to tell who is panting more heavily; Donna staring at him with a disbelieving expression in her face and swollen lips, Harvey in return looking at her with black eyes, his chest raising and falling in haggard breaths. Once his pants pool around his ankles, he steps outside of them and with the next forward movement, he carefully lowers them both onto his mattress.

They slow down then a little, taking their time to actually enjoy being together again after all these years. Taking their time to getting reacquainted with the contact of skin against skin again, of hard muscles against soft warmth, of fingertips caressing and lips exploring. They aren't what they used to be thirteen years ago. There are still the same spots that drive them wild but there are also new ones, ones that had changed over time and the ones they didn't even have time to discover the first time they had spent together. They communicate wordlessly, letting each other know with touches and gazes what words could no longer describe anyway. And for once, it was enough.

In the minutes – or hours? – that follow, Donna looses her bra and panties and Harvey his boxers and when he touches her between her legs, he finds her hot and ready and it takes everything in him not just bury himself inside of her, until only their skins would separate them from becoming one. But it's been thirteen years and they both deserve more than that. So instead he lets a finger slip between her folds, finding her bundle of nerves erect und pulsating. Donna breaks the kiss, needing to get oxygen into her lungs that turns into a breathy moan on its way out. Her sounds spur him on, his lips finding her neck, gently kissing and nibbling and eliciting another deep moan, when first one and then a second finger glide into her welcoming body. Her walls ripple around him and it takes her a moment to get used to the intrusion, feeling like so much more than just his body was slipping inside of her now. Nothing had ever felt this intense, not even the first time with him. Back in the days, they both had absolutely no idea what they were doing or were it would lead them. Yes, there had been feelings involved and yes, it was special and lifechanging but it couldn't in the least bit be compared to what they are both feeling in this very moment. Because this time around, they know what they are doing. And they know where it will lead them. To forever.

It doesn't take Harvey long to push Donna to the edge, her heavy breathing and her entrance tightening around his fingers giving her away only moments before. He doesn't know if it's selfish or if it's love but he wants to be there with her, inside of her, wants to catch her when she's falling. So he withdraws his fingers, shifting his focus to his bedside table for a second to get a condom. This time it's Donna's fingers who wrap around his wrist, holding him back.

"I'm on the pill. It's okay, if you're…"

"All clean," Harvey whispers, not trusting his vocal chords to actually form a sound.

He rolls on top of her then, looking down into her loving eyes for a moment. Should this be a dream, he hopes he never wakes. But the nails digging into his biceps, the tight coiling in his abdomen, her hot touch around his hardness, firmly stroking him and with it almost making his arms give out with the pleasure that's cascading through is body, tells him that this is as far from being a dream as it could be. Because even his vivid imagination and dreams, that had undoubtedly been there more times than he can count or cares to admit, couldn't come up with something that felt this excruciatingly good.

Donna gently pulls him closer then, teases herself with the tip of his cock for a moment or two, before she guides him to her entrance. Their gazes find each other, as Harvey rocks his hips forward, sheathing himself inside of her with one, even stroke. Her moan and his hiss mingle in the silence of his room and they both stay just like that, getting used to yet another sensation they had suppressed for far too long but never forgotten. Harvey is the first one to catch his breath, slowly starting to set a steady rhythm. He kisses her again, the feeling of her hands roaming over his back something he never wants to miss again. All of this, her hands, her lips, her eyes, her skin, her moans and her love, all of this he never wants to miss again and for a just a moment he wonders why the freaking hell it had taken him so long to just open his mouth in the first place. This is how it always should have been. But this is definitely how it was going to be from here on out.

When Donna wraps one leg around Harvey's waist, letting him in even deeper, he breaks away from her neck, looking down into her eyes instead. His strokes speed up, sensing that it would not take much longer for the both of them to reach that point of no return. Donna is relentlessly meeting each and every one of his thrusts, encouraging him to go faster and easily falling into his rhythm just moments later.

Harvey can feel the sizzling sensation in the pit of his stomach, a slow fire setting his muscles and nerves on fire. Her breathy sighs are the air to his flames, the cadenced contractions around his length spurring him on even more. He shifts his weight to his right arm, while his free hand sneaks between their bodies to touch her clit.

"Yes, like that, Harvey," Donna moans and his name rolling off of her lips sounds like a symphony to his ears. And it's almost enough. Almost enough to push him over the edge. He's only holding on for his dear life now, needing her to be there with him once they take the free fall, hand in hand, just like that and just them. Years of experience, partly wishing that it hadn't been with countless, faceless women, partly thankful that it had been just that, had taught him how to hold on for just a moment longer until with one last flic of this finger against her clit, Donna's whole body tenses before starting to shake and tremble beneath him. Her walls are contracting around his cock and it's enough to pull him with her, her name and his name, mixed with incomprehensible words of love and devotion filling the air. He keeps bumping into her jerkily, letting her ride out wave after wave until he can no longer keep himself upright.

Gliding into her welcoming embrace, he nestles his face in the crook of her neck, taking deep breaths that smell like her and him and them, filling his lungs and trying to calm his nerves. Donna is still caressing him gently, the intensity of them moment rendering them unable to do or say anything else. It takes minutes before their breathing has returned to normal and only then does Harvey pull back from her body and roll off of her. With tissues on his bedside table, they get cleaned up, before Harvey reaches over to the other side of the bed to pull the covers over their heated and sweaty bodies. They remain silent for a long while after that, Harvey almost believing that Donna had fallen asleep already, when her voice proves him otherwise.

"So, what did Scottie end up telling you?" Donna wants to know, inching a little closer into his warm embrace. His skin is still burning and yet she can't get quite close enough.

"That even if it wasn't out of the question already, she'd never want to date me again anyway… because apparently I'm stupid and blind."

"She said what?" Donna chuckles, warming up to their former colleague a little more with every passing second.

"That I'm blind and stupid. For letting so much time go to waste when everyone knew already that the two of us belonged together," Harvey explains, squeezing her shoulder and pressing his lips against her forehead in a gentle kiss. Happiness courses through him, a feeling so profoundly he has no idea that it even existed. "What about you? Did she say something to you as well?"

"Yeah, she did indeed. She said that she hopes that one day you'd see what everyone else sees."

They lie in the darkness silently, only the moonlight and several lights from nearby buildings illuminating his bedroom.

"I always have seen it, you know. I have for the past thirteen years."

"Oh, what happened to 12,5 years?"

"Yeah well. I'm a little foggy with the details after the mind-blowing sex we just had."

Donna chuckles, snuggling even closer. They fall silent again for a moment, before Harvey speaks once more.

"I love you, Donna. And it's what I should have told you every day for the past twelve years and ten months."

**xxx**

**The End**


End file.
